Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Doubt & Provision
I started this post yesterday. I had it about halfway written and was pretty darn proud of what I was talking about too. Then, by the brilliance of my fingers and my mac, I managed to delete the whole thing and lost it. Ah, God has a sense of humor sometimes....using technology to humble us. But really, I think it was because it wasn't time to share with you the story of God's miracle provision for this trip to Nepal.
None of us would ever come right out and say that we don't trust God, or don't believe He'll provide for His children or do all and more than we could think or ask, even though scripture is pretty explicit in proof that He'll do it all. Nope, we'll say to everyone "Yes, I trust God," and placate the need to "Christianize" everything we say and do. But then we go on living life not functionally trusting God. We worry. We fret. We are "concerned" about things. We let thoughts wander to 'worst case scenario' so we can make provision. We sit and mull over financial problems. We pray, but really our prayers are just worrying out loud, because we pick up all those things we're supposed to have laid in His hands and carry them with us like shining trophies of our humanity.
I did just that when I was invited to join the Nepal team. I had a hard time believing that God would be able to provide for TWO missions trips in less than a year, and the second costing nearly double what the first one did. It is a little disheartening to think of how little I trust God when it comes to things like this. But God was about to show me. I was concerned about seeking to raise money because I'd just done that less than 6 months ago. I was concerned because it was Christmas time and people get overspent and unable to eek out extra pennies at Christmas time in the rush to make sure every family member is taken care of. Yes, I was concerned. So I decided to wait until after the New Year to send some kind of support letter.
Our first $550.00 was due at our first meeting a week into December. I'd told a few people I was going to Nepal, not many and I'd created the Facebook page to keep people updated. I wasn't sure where that money was going to come from because I was in a car accident and forced to pay $500.00 of my own money (which I was planning to use for Nepal and Christmas) because the other insurance company refused to accept liability for the accident. Distraught, discouraged and unbelieving, - that's what I was.
Then people started sending me money. Personally. Pay Pal. Two Phone calls. A check showing up on the desk at BRCC without me knowing about it. I was still $200.00 short come the meeting day and literally five minutes before I walk in the door to the meeting, a friend and her daughter walked up to me and handed me $200.00 in cash, bringing the total to exactly $550.00. Needless to say, I was....speechless. God moved on his people's hearts to provide exactly when I needed it.
Last week, I sent out the support letter I wrote earlier this week. I hadn't caught a glimpse of my statement from Shea yet, but knowing that tonight was my next deadline. And feeling really shaky about seeing God provide that money. Then....out of the blue, money started showing up. Two more pay pal deposits. Two more personal check. One email giving me an amount. Then I get to Shea's for the meeting tonight and look at the statement. Without the personal checked and promised money ahead...I've got just at $1400.00 raised. To say I was flabbergasted is...an understatement. God truly provides. And He certainly loves to show off. So far, I'm over halfway to my mark of needed support.
I am not sure i can be skeptical that God will provide, because so far, with very little effort on my part, He's moving on my behalf. I'm shocked, stunned and completely in awe of His heart in this. Thankful for what God's doing.
Soli Deo Gloria. Amen.