.loving.god.and.leaving.

Today's the day! We leave today. I got a little nervous last night, but was reminded to read Psalm 8 and Psalm 63 by my brother and the butterflies went away. So good stuff there. :) I'm excited, a bit nervous but really just ready to slow down for some days and let God have this time. Who knows what he's going to do? I don't know...but something. I have to trust that. Otherwise, my fear of walking away from this trip with Nothing is going to come crashing on me before I get back. 

Maybe that's supposed to happen. Maybe my fears are supposed to come true. Maybe not. I'm good with both, really. But, really I'm gonna step out in faith trusting God not to let me down, so to speak. 

Yesterday I was driving to BRCC from breakfast with a friend who had just shared her connection in a recent trip to our teaching value of Deuteronomy 6:5, loving God with all we've got. In Kids Community we spend time focusing on a teaching value and are given corresponding scripture cards to pray through each month. Mine is always inside my wallet. Safely kept with my money so I see it every time I use money. 

As I drove the the building, I began to pray that God would show me what it was about our value of Loving God and Deut 6:5 that I was going to have applied for this trip. I began thinking about this silence God has had me in for the last month or so and remembered that sometimes difficult things in relationships are things that strengthen the relationship. I realized that maybe God is growing a steadier love for Himself in me by His silence. I continued to realize that as I pray for God to teach me to love Him more, these kinds of things happen and it never fails to show me how to love him further and deeper. 

I was so engrossed in this prayer that I arrived at the building in no time. Pulled into the parking lot. Put my car in park and reached down to turn the key off. Looked to the passenger seat, which, heretofore was empty except for my jacket. I look down and laying face up on the passenger seat with the text staring me in the eye to read was my Deut 6:5 Scripture card. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength..." I stopped for a minute thinking..."wait.....that was not there...it was....IN MY WALLET." I had to stop and process this for a minute. 

Now, I'm not one for uber spiritualistic miraculous things. They don't' happen to me often because, personally, I see life as one big miracle. I mean, with what we deserve and what God offers - do we need anything further? Hardly. But this....this moment sent chills up my spine and made my breath catch in my throat because it doesn't happen very often. 

With one rather humbled shaking hand, I picked up the card, thanked God and put in securely in my phone cover's clear back facing out so that I would see it everyday I'm gone. 

We leave today. Packed up, ready to go, and metaphorically ready to lean into Loving God in this trip, and pressing into each area that that means for me along the way. 

Here I am, Send me.